A year and a half of healing...and counting

It's been 27 months since my breast cancer diagnosis!  When I put it that way it really seems like a lifetime ago.

And, yes, it's been a very long time since I have posted here.  There have been hills to climb. Some successes.   Some failures.  Several lessons learned and some valleys to climb out of along the way.  A lot has been learned in fact.  But, the more I learn the more questions I have.

One big lesson I have learned is that I had to scale down just about everything I was doing.  It just gets to be all too much sometimes.  Especially my own expectations.  I'm sure you can agree with me!  I'm continually evaluating my priorities and values and making sure they are matching up.  You know what that means don't you?  I have to say that nasty word quite a bit.  No.  And not feel guilty for saying it.

Not too long after my last post (August 2012) I developed a problem with my implant due to the radiation I had that summer.  Basically the radiation caused my skin to thin so much that I needed a "revision" surgery as they call it.  Don't worry.  I won't get graphic with the gory details here.  Let's just say that my amazing surgeon (Dr. Hancey) placed an internal skin graft to support my skin and the new implant.  And yes, it's pig skin!  Pig skin was used because it is thicker and will help my skin hold together and heal a lot better.  I think it's amazing what they can do nowadays.

Ten months later I still feel like I have a long way to go in the healing department.  Or, trying to allow my body to heal at least.  I'm still dealing with lymphatic cording or Axillary Web Syndrome.  I'm doing the exercises given to keep my arm mobile and the swelling down.  I'm really trying hard not to have to go back on the medication for the nerve pain.  That causes more fatigue.  I certainly don't need that!

When something this significant happens you start asking a lot of questions.  I continue to ask lots of questions to this day.  I'm pretty sure it frustrates my doctors!  One question that I am continually asking (mostly to myself) is: what is it that allows healing and what is it that keeps us sick or in a state of dis-ease?  That question alone has taken me on a very interesting journey.

I kept telling myself that I "should" be all better by now.  There's no more cancer.  There's no more chemo.  There's no more radiation or surgery.  What's holding me back?  I could blame it on the continued effects of radiation.  Or the medication (Tamoxifen) I am on to keep the cancer from coming back.  It does seem to produce some really fun side effects.  No, not really that fun.  I can handle the pain...most days.  It's the fatigue that I deal with on a daily basis that can be just utterly diminishing.  I do a lot of things to "manage" the fatigue.  More on all of that later.  And, more on the answers I am finding from all of my questions.  

I'm determined not to give up.  The alternative is ugly!

I recently watched a video that was a bit mind blowing for me!  Nick Ortner, author of The Tapping Solution (very much worth the read by the way), hosted Dr. Lissa Rankin for the 2014 Tapping World Summit.  She talks about true healing and health and her experiences she had as a physician.  What really compelled me to watch this video (I am pretty selective nowadays as there is an enormous amount of "information" out there) was what she learned from studying over 3,500 cases of "spontaneous remission" and what the research both tells us and isn't telling us about why people are getting sick.  Click on the link below to watch it for yourself.  It really is amazing.

The Tapping Solution: Dr. Lissa Rankin video


There have been so many individuals that have been incredibly supportive to me and my family.  You know who you are and I give you a big thank you from the bottom of my heart!

The end of next month will mark my 2 year cancerversary!  Wahoo!!!

Surgery is scheduled!

Met with my oncologist and surgeon today.  According to the MRI report, the tumor has shrunk to less than half it's original size.  That is really good news!

It will be interesting to see what they find in the pathology report on the tumor after surgery.  The mass on the MRI might turn out to be 'dead' cancer cells.  That's what I am hoping for.

So, I am scheduled for my surgery - March 28th.  Next Wednesday!

The surgery will be a modified radical mastectomy (that includes axillary lymph node dissection).  Otherwise, it would be considered a simple mastectomy if the lymph nodes were not involved.  Alas, I had two that showed up positive.  But, they showed up quite a bit smaller on the follow-up MRI.

Many thanks go out to everyone that has helped in any way.  Me and my family really appreciate it.  We wouldn't be able to get through all of this without you!!!
Hugs!

Oncologist and chemo

Things are moving right along!  It was a super busy week.

I met with my second oncologist on Wednesday.  She is very matter of fact (which is how I like it come to find out!).  The unanimous opinion is that I start chemo before having the surgery (neoadjuvant chemotherapy) and I concur.  So, I will be starting on November 29th.  It will be every two weeks for 16 weeks.  I will be able to have it at Alta View Hospital.  Then, after chemo I will have the surgery, which will put it around the end of March or early April (hopefully after spring break!).

Thursday I had the lymph node biopsy (still a little sore today, but healing).  Hoping the results comes back clean.  If not, I will have to have lymph nodes (on the one side) removed when I have the mastectomy.

Friday, I went to the dentist and got my mouth all taken care of before I start chemo.  All these things you have to take care of that you just don't think about!!!

I am thankful for ALL the people that have gone before me that have blogged and written about their experiences.  It will hopefully make my experience a little more tolerable!

We are still waiting for the genetic test to come back as well.  Should be hearing back this week.  That will change up some decisions if I have the breast cancer gene (BRCA 1 or BRCA 2).

Just a couple more doctors appointments this coming week.  AND...gearing up for a good Thanksgiving, maybe sneak in a little pampering, and try to get as much done to prepare for Christmas as I can.  Hoping my energy level cooperates!

Oh, and everyone has been asking if I need anything or if they can do anything for me.  I really appreciate it.  To help with this I have created a list of things I will need during chemo and some things I would like on my wish list with Amazon.com.  Let me know if you would like to look at it and I will send you the link.  (privacy issues as this is a public blog).  Thanks!

Thanks for your continued prayers.

Hugs,
Becky

PET scan and port-a-cath surgery

Well...it's been a busy week already!  Yesterday I had the PET scan (positron emission tomography).  It went really well.  They put in an iv and then had me drink 16 ounces of "lemonade", then they introduce the tracer in the iv.  I got to take a 45 minute nap (sorely needed) to help the tracer circulate throughout my body.  Then, I got to drink 16 more ounces of the lovely lemonade they provide.  Refreshing beverage!  No, it's really not that bad.
After a quick stop in the restroom I hopped onto the scanning bed (on my back this time!) and snuggled down into the headrest with a nice leg rest under my knees and warm blankets on top of me.  It was a 20 minute test.  The bed moves back and forth 3 times.  I imagined I was at Disneyland on an incredible new ride.  I was tempted to open my eyes but that would have ruined the illusion.  I didn't want to have had a little panic attack.  They certainly don't make those machines very large.  I guess I am a little claustrophobic!  The key for me is keeping my eyes closed and practicing my yoga breathing!!!  
The purpose of the PET scan was to rule out any other cancer in my body.  Really praying that is so!


I had my port-a-cath placed today.  It was an outpatient surgery and it went well.  It will be very helpful in receiving treatments.  The other option is to get an iv each time.  Since treatment will last 16 weeks I opted for the port.  It is placed under the skin near my collarbone.
When I saw my surgeon (who is awesome by-the-way!) before the surgery he said my PET scan was clear except for two lymph nodes that showed up.  I am quite relieved about that.  So, I am having a lymph node biopsy in two days and we'll see if I need my lymph nodes removed or not.

Oh, and I got my hair cut very short!  I think the kids need to see me in transition.  My two older kids said I looked like a teacher and like a different Mom!  My baby just smiled and laughed.  My kids are so funny and so honest.  I love them so much!!!


And, here's a tip...don't watch clips of Modern Family and Suburgatory when you're healing from any surgery.  Laughing hurts!!! :)


On to the next!