I'm on the verge of something...
on the verge of a break through?
on the verge of a breakdown?
on the verge of a break up?
I'm on the verge of something. I can just feel it!
I'd like to break up with the tamoxifen drug I have to take every day. I've been on it for 1 1/2 years and I have 8 1/2 to go. Well, that's what has been highly recommended to me, according to my oncologists and the MRC's study of tamoxifen on ER+ breast cancer patients taking it for 10 years vs. 5 years. Here's the link if you're interested and have the time...
http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-us/cancer-news/press-release/study-confirms-long-term-benefits-of-tamoxifen
I've read the study. I personally think it is incomplete. However, I guess it's probably too much to ask researchers in a study of thousands of patients to consider lifestyle, stress level, diet, exercise habits and overall health in their study.
I know, at this point, if I continue I will most definitely have a breakdown. 8 1/2 more years of this drug is a big deal breaker for me.
I'm voting for a break through instead!
Monday, February 24, 2014
Sunday, February 9, 2014
A year and a half of healing...and counting
It's been 27 months since my breast cancer diagnosis! When I put it that way it really seems like a lifetime ago.
And, yes, it's been a very long time since I have posted here. There have been hills to climb. Some successes. Some failures. Several lessons learned and some valleys to climb out of along the way. A lot has been learned in fact. But, the more I learn the more questions I have.
One big lesson I have learned is that I had to scale down just about everything I was doing. It just gets to be all too much sometimes. Especially my own expectations. I'm sure you can agree with me! I'm continually evaluating my priorities and values and making sure they are matching up. You know what that means don't you? I have to say that nasty word quite a bit. No. And not feel guilty for saying it.
Not too long after my last post (August 2012) I developed a problem with my implant due to the radiation I had that summer. Basically the radiation caused my skin to thin so much that I needed a "revision" surgery as they call it. Don't worry. I won't get graphic with the gory details here. Let's just say that my amazing surgeon (Dr. Hancey) placed an internal skin graft to support my skin and the new implant. And yes, it's pig skin! Pig skin was used because it is thicker and will help my skin hold together and heal a lot better. I think it's amazing what they can do nowadays.
Ten months later I still feel like I have a long way to go in the healing department. Or, trying to allow my body to heal at least. I'm still dealing with lymphatic cording or Axillary Web Syndrome. I'm doing the exercises given to keep my arm mobile and the swelling down. I'm really trying hard not to have to go back on the medication for the nerve pain. That causes more fatigue. I certainly don't need that!
When something this significant happens you start asking a lot of questions. I continue to ask lots of questions to this day. I'm pretty sure it frustrates my doctors! One question that I am continually asking (mostly to myself) is: what is it that allows healing and what is it that keeps us sick or in a state of dis-ease? That question alone has taken me on a very interesting journey.
I kept telling myself that I "should" be all better by now. There's no more cancer. There's no more chemo. There's no more radiation or surgery. What's holding me back? I could blame it on the continued effects of radiation. Or the medication (Tamoxifen) I am on to keep the cancer from coming back. It does seem to produce some really fun side effects. No, not really that fun. I can handle the pain...most days. It's the fatigue that I deal with on a daily basis that can be just utterly diminishing. I do a lot of things to "manage" the fatigue. More on all of that later. And, more on the answers I am finding from all of my questions.
I'm determined not to give up. The alternative is ugly!
I recently watched a video that was a bit mind blowing for me! Nick Ortner, author of The Tapping Solution (very much worth the read by the way), hosted Dr. Lissa Rankin for the 2014 Tapping World Summit. She talks about true healing and health and her experiences she had as a physician. What really compelled me to watch this video (I am pretty selective nowadays as there is an enormous amount of "information" out there) was what she learned from studying over 3,500 cases of "spontaneous remission" and what the research both tells us and isn't telling us about why people are getting sick. Click on the link below to watch it for yourself. It really is amazing.
The Tapping Solution: Dr. Lissa Rankin video
There have been so many individuals that have been incredibly supportive to me and my family. You know who you are and I give you a big thank you from the bottom of my heart!
The end of next month will mark my 2 year cancerversary! Wahoo!!!
And, yes, it's been a very long time since I have posted here. There have been hills to climb. Some successes. Some failures. Several lessons learned and some valleys to climb out of along the way. A lot has been learned in fact. But, the more I learn the more questions I have.
One big lesson I have learned is that I had to scale down just about everything I was doing. It just gets to be all too much sometimes. Especially my own expectations. I'm sure you can agree with me! I'm continually evaluating my priorities and values and making sure they are matching up. You know what that means don't you? I have to say that nasty word quite a bit. No. And not feel guilty for saying it.
Not too long after my last post (August 2012) I developed a problem with my implant due to the radiation I had that summer. Basically the radiation caused my skin to thin so much that I needed a "revision" surgery as they call it. Don't worry. I won't get graphic with the gory details here. Let's just say that my amazing surgeon (Dr. Hancey) placed an internal skin graft to support my skin and the new implant. And yes, it's pig skin! Pig skin was used because it is thicker and will help my skin hold together and heal a lot better. I think it's amazing what they can do nowadays.
Ten months later I still feel like I have a long way to go in the healing department. Or, trying to allow my body to heal at least. I'm still dealing with lymphatic cording or Axillary Web Syndrome. I'm doing the exercises given to keep my arm mobile and the swelling down. I'm really trying hard not to have to go back on the medication for the nerve pain. That causes more fatigue. I certainly don't need that!
When something this significant happens you start asking a lot of questions. I continue to ask lots of questions to this day. I'm pretty sure it frustrates my doctors! One question that I am continually asking (mostly to myself) is: what is it that allows healing and what is it that keeps us sick or in a state of dis-ease? That question alone has taken me on a very interesting journey.
I kept telling myself that I "should" be all better by now. There's no more cancer. There's no more chemo. There's no more radiation or surgery. What's holding me back? I could blame it on the continued effects of radiation. Or the medication (Tamoxifen) I am on to keep the cancer from coming back. It does seem to produce some really fun side effects. No, not really that fun. I can handle the pain...most days. It's the fatigue that I deal with on a daily basis that can be just utterly diminishing. I do a lot of things to "manage" the fatigue. More on all of that later. And, more on the answers I am finding from all of my questions.
I'm determined not to give up. The alternative is ugly!
I recently watched a video that was a bit mind blowing for me! Nick Ortner, author of The Tapping Solution (very much worth the read by the way), hosted Dr. Lissa Rankin for the 2014 Tapping World Summit. She talks about true healing and health and her experiences she had as a physician. What really compelled me to watch this video (I am pretty selective nowadays as there is an enormous amount of "information" out there) was what she learned from studying over 3,500 cases of "spontaneous remission" and what the research both tells us and isn't telling us about why people are getting sick. Click on the link below to watch it for yourself. It really is amazing.
The Tapping Solution: Dr. Lissa Rankin video
There have been so many individuals that have been incredibly supportive to me and my family. You know who you are and I give you a big thank you from the bottom of my heart!
The end of next month will mark my 2 year cancerversary! Wahoo!!!
Friday, August 10, 2012
Turning my curveball into a home run!...
It's been 19 weeks since my surgery and 5 weeks since I finished radiation. I am much, much better. My hair is growing...I need to actually comb it now! I'm getting stronger every day and gradually getting my energy back. I still have to rest each day but, I'm pretty sure it's from all my hard work at the gym AND taking care of house and kids during a busy summer! I still have a couple surgeries towards the end of the year. I am hoping that I will only have to be "down" for a few days. I am determined to get strong and stay that way.
Many people have asked me how I am and what I'm doing to get better. If you follow me on Facebook you've probably noticed my numerous postings of food and different recipes I'm trying. Plus, my check-ins at the gym! I'm mostly posting these things as journal entries for my own record. But, I know many of you are interested in my progress and in the recipes too.
This cancer journey has been interesting to say the least! You go through a lot of introspection through diagnosis, treatments, and recovery. During one of these moments I watched a little documentary called "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead". It's about a man named Joe Cross who went on a quest to find his own health again. He goes on a 60-day juice fast. I was so inspired after watching his story that I decided to "reboot" (as he calls it) myself. I started out to do a three day juice fast. I felt so good that I decided to continue and do 15 days. www.jointhereboot.com
After the fourth day of just juicing I was able to go off all of my pain medications! That is saying a lot! It feels so good to not be on any 'drugs'. I no longer have the nerve pain I was having in my back (from the surgery) and my fibromyalgia pain is a lot better too. I feel I have definitely 'rebooted' my diet and health! I still juice every day and I love it! It makes a great breakfast.
Some of my favorite juices are:
Carrot, apple, ginger, lemon
Spinach, carrot, beat, apple, cucumber, ginger, lime
Tomato, spinach, carrot, cucumber, celery, parsley, red onion, lemon
I'm still getting used to kale. I love kale chips, but juicing is going to take some time. My tastebuds are changing!
My reboot has helped me to finally conquer my sugar addiction. In fact, all I 'crave' is super nutritious whole foods. More on my diet and recipes later.
Here's to a new me and to always looking forward
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Surgery and recovery
It is one week post mastectomy surgery...still healing and still sleeping sitting up! Not very fun.
There is lots of pressure and nerve pain. To be expected.
The surgery itself went well. They removed the tumor and eight lymph nodes. I also had my port removed. Then, a tissue expander was placed to start making a space for an implant (done months later).
The pathology report came back saying that the cancer in the two lymph nodes was dead and no cancer in the other six. That is great news! The core of the tumor wasn't effected but it had shrunk significantly. Plus, the surgery removed the entire tumor.
I had one drain removed yesterday, which helps with the pain. My other drain will be removed tomorrow. Looking forward to getting that out! The drains have been a majority of the pain. So, I'm hoping my healing will be kicked into high gear after getting the last one out.
I'm still having a few chemo side effects but that is to be expected.
My next steps are to get my tissue expander filled to where I want to be (not much more needed actually!) and then I will start radiation once I can put my arm straight up over my head. Thinking that will most likely start in May.
So here are a few shout outs:
My wonderful surgeons! Dr. Lewis and Dr. Hancey...Thank You! You are true artists.
All the nurses that cared for me in the hospital...you are angels!
My family and friends...words cannot express how much I appreciate all your tender loving care, help and generosity!
THANK YOU!
There is lots of pressure and nerve pain. To be expected.
The surgery itself went well. They removed the tumor and eight lymph nodes. I also had my port removed. Then, a tissue expander was placed to start making a space for an implant (done months later).
The pathology report came back saying that the cancer in the two lymph nodes was dead and no cancer in the other six. That is great news! The core of the tumor wasn't effected but it had shrunk significantly. Plus, the surgery removed the entire tumor.
I had one drain removed yesterday, which helps with the pain. My other drain will be removed tomorrow. Looking forward to getting that out! The drains have been a majority of the pain. So, I'm hoping my healing will be kicked into high gear after getting the last one out.
I'm still having a few chemo side effects but that is to be expected.
My next steps are to get my tissue expander filled to where I want to be (not much more needed actually!) and then I will start radiation once I can put my arm straight up over my head. Thinking that will most likely start in May.
So here are a few shout outs:
My wonderful surgeons! Dr. Lewis and Dr. Hancey...Thank You! You are true artists.
All the nurses that cared for me in the hospital...you are angels!
My family and friends...words cannot express how much I appreciate all your tender loving care, help and generosity!
THANK YOU!
Monday, March 19, 2012
Surgery is scheduled!
Met with my oncologist and surgeon today. According to the MRI report, the tumor has shrunk to less than half it's original size. That is really good news!
It will be interesting to see what they find in the pathology report on the tumor after surgery. The mass on the MRI might turn out to be 'dead' cancer cells. That's what I am hoping for.
So, I am scheduled for my surgery - March 28th. Next Wednesday!
The surgery will be a modified radical mastectomy (that includes axillary lymph node dissection). Otherwise, it would be considered a simple mastectomy if the lymph nodes were not involved. Alas, I had two that showed up positive. But, they showed up quite a bit smaller on the follow-up MRI.
Many thanks go out to everyone that has helped in any way. Me and my family really appreciate it. We wouldn't be able to get through all of this without you!!!
Hugs!
It will be interesting to see what they find in the pathology report on the tumor after surgery. The mass on the MRI might turn out to be 'dead' cancer cells. That's what I am hoping for.
So, I am scheduled for my surgery - March 28th. Next Wednesday!
The surgery will be a modified radical mastectomy (that includes axillary lymph node dissection). Otherwise, it would be considered a simple mastectomy if the lymph nodes were not involved. Alas, I had two that showed up positive. But, they showed up quite a bit smaller on the follow-up MRI.
Many thanks go out to everyone that has helped in any way. Me and my family really appreciate it. We wouldn't be able to get through all of this without you!!!
Hugs!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
So many choices
I met with my third plastic surgeon yesterday.
There is so much to learn and so many variables in considering reconstruction when it comes to breast cancer treatment.
The surgeon put it in an interesting way. He said, "I can be talking to a cancer patient and tell him that he needs reconstructive surgery on his esophagus and he'll say, "Ok". When I talk with breast cancer patients it is an entirely different thing. You don't see your esophagus and it doesn't make you 'feel' like a woman. Breast reconstruction is a very personal and complicated decision."
It can be a very confusing decision too!
Here's a very simplified breakdown...
Do I want something foreign in me with only a 2-3 hour surgery with a relatively easy recovery?
or
Do I want my own tissue (less likely to have problems) but, with a 10 hour surgery and a very long recovery and multiple surgeries?
or
Do I try a new system that may or may not work, using my own tissue, with less invasive surgery but most likely multiple surgeries?
or
I can always do nothing and wear a prosthetic.
Throw radiation into the mix and it can change everything.
I am grateful I have a choice!!! I just want to make the right one and need to make it by Monday. No pressure.
There is so much to learn and so many variables in considering reconstruction when it comes to breast cancer treatment.
The surgeon put it in an interesting way. He said, "I can be talking to a cancer patient and tell him that he needs reconstructive surgery on his esophagus and he'll say, "Ok". When I talk with breast cancer patients it is an entirely different thing. You don't see your esophagus and it doesn't make you 'feel' like a woman. Breast reconstruction is a very personal and complicated decision."
It can be a very confusing decision too!
Here's a very simplified breakdown...
Do I want something foreign in me with only a 2-3 hour surgery with a relatively easy recovery?
or
Do I want my own tissue (less likely to have problems) but, with a 10 hour surgery and a very long recovery and multiple surgeries?
or
Do I try a new system that may or may not work, using my own tissue, with less invasive surgery but most likely multiple surgeries?
or
I can always do nothing and wear a prosthetic.
Throw radiation into the mix and it can change everything.
I am grateful I have a choice!!! I just want to make the right one and need to make it by Monday. No pressure.
In my wig that I can't stand to wear!
What I'm thinking in this picture...
"My head is so hot and itchy!"
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
A Quick UPdate!!!
As I type this I am having my last Taxol treatment! A weight is lifting. I might float right up to the ceiling when all the steps have been completed for my cancer treatment!
I am looking forward, now, to the next step, SURGERY.
I will have another MRI the end of next week to see how effective the chemotherapy has been. Also another blood test to see how my blood cell counts are doing and my bone marrow and all that fun stuff. So far my body has held up amazingly!!! It's especially amazing because I have been having the dose dense regime (every 2 weeks instead of every 3). Truly the result of blessings, prayers, and all of you out there putting my name in the Temple! Thank You!!! Words don't even express.
If all goes well with the MRI and blood test I am hoping to schedule my surgery for March 28th.
I will be having a mastectomy with sentinel lymph node dissection (but may have to have the axillary lymph node dissection - where they take all the lymph nodes on that side, well not all, but most).
So, on to recovery from this last round. I'm hoping the neuropathy doesn't get too bad. But, I am just so happy it's the last!!!
More to come!
Hugs to everyone...we all need them!
I am looking forward, now, to the next step, SURGERY.
I will have another MRI the end of next week to see how effective the chemotherapy has been. Also another blood test to see how my blood cell counts are doing and my bone marrow and all that fun stuff. So far my body has held up amazingly!!! It's especially amazing because I have been having the dose dense regime (every 2 weeks instead of every 3). Truly the result of blessings, prayers, and all of you out there putting my name in the Temple! Thank You!!! Words don't even express.
If all goes well with the MRI and blood test I am hoping to schedule my surgery for March 28th.
I will be having a mastectomy with sentinel lymph node dissection (but may have to have the axillary lymph node dissection - where they take all the lymph nodes on that side, well not all, but most).
So, on to recovery from this last round. I'm hoping the neuropathy doesn't get too bad. But, I am just so happy it's the last!!!
More to come!
Hugs to everyone...we all need them!
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